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Taoism: Shit happens
Confucianism: Confucius says shit happens
Buddhism: If shit happens it isn't really shit
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it
Agnotism: What is this shit?
Atheism: I don't believe this shit
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Jehovah witness: Let me into your house and I tell you why shit happens
Ba'hai: What shit?
Born again: We are saved from our shit
Mysticism: Allow the shit to flow freely - become one with the shit
The Secret: You visualised it, it's The Law of Attraction
Astrology: It's the planet's
NLP: Change the picture of shit